The elusive recipe of being a 'Good Husband'!

I have often wondered and contemplated about the viability of the concept of a 'Good Husband' but have always failed to assimilate the ingredients that might actually contribute in the formulation of such a concept. Though few of my close friends, who also happen to play the arduous role of being Husbands proudly boast that they qualify as the true ambassadors of this concept but much to their dismay their respective ringmasters (read wives) don't read too much into such claims. So if the real recipe of 'How to be termed as a Good Husband' is still enigmatic, there is a clear unanimity among the husbands that certain characteristics like being good with household chores, being at least an 'at par' cook if not better, being a patient shopping companion and being overtly nice and abiding to 'her' parents will certainly add flavor to the ultimate recipe. But unfortunately even these ingredients aren't as simple and edible as they seem.

So if in the pursuit of wooing your girl friend or prospective life partner you have invested a lot of time and energy to prove the fact that you are a good cook (unlike some 'other guys' who can't even hold a knife), you are sure to earn some brownie points but that would also at the same time lay the foundation of your own downfall. To start with you will invite lot of accolades from various quarters, including your partner and more importantly her envious friends but very soon you will realize that the entire effort and those alluring accolades were not at all worth it. As those 'out of the box' and 'exceeding expectations' effort would gradually become a part of your job description or routine portfolio and would turn into 'bare minimums'. And if by any chance you try to divulge from those once surprising freebies, be prepared for those acerbic and suffocating 'you have changed' taunts. And just in case if you go on and attempt to simplify your mate's life by getting the households done by the maid, forget the much deserved pat on the back, rather at some point in time be prepared for those 'you are very interfering' rants. So leave apart these efforts being a part of that elusive recipe, it all the more contributes for one’s own misery.

If there is poll conducted across all the males globally to vote for their most frustrating and dreadful activity, 'accompanying their partners for shopping' will win hands down. And if you have been living with a perception that you are an exception and very good in accompanying your partner for shopping then that's not going to stay true for eternity. In the short run you might think that what’s the big deal, it’s just about saying ‘YES’ and driving her down to the shopping mall of her choice. But in the long run this would become a part of your ‘job description’ and just being a chauffeur won’t suffice. In fact, It would also be expected that you actively participate in each of her (shopping) outings and ‘suggest’(not enforce) her about what will suit her and what will suit her ‘even more’ (beware - anything not suiting her certainly can’t be an option :)). And if by any chance she receives some not so glorious remarks on the newly bought stuff, be ready to bear the brunt for this debacle with comments like ‘ it was you who told to me to buy that stuff and see my colleagues are laughing at me for that’. You are bound to feel helpless and would find it doubly hard to accept the responsibility for this fiasco. But if you are brave enough to gather that much courage to reply her back saying ‘I never forced you to buy that, I just put forth my suggestion’ , then be prepared for an even more illogical argument on the lines ‘ but you could have at least stopped me from buying that weird stuff, but after all why will you want me to look good’. Naturally on hearing this you won’t even attempt to respond and will immediately realize that all the courtesy, efforts, time and money employed to impress your partner has gone down the drain.

Now being overtly nice and abiding to 'her' parents is not a requirement or too high an expectation to quote explicitly. But I wish it was as simple as it reads out! It’s quite natural that one is respectful towards any elderly figure be it one’s own parents or be it hers but still there are occasions when you somehow don’t agree with their views. And in such occasions even if you go on and put forth your views in the politest of manner, be ready to accept the crime of being ‘ rude, uncomplimentary and disrespectful to her parents’ (they won’t feel it but your wife/girl friend/partner will certainly and very strongly feel so), you might even break your head to explain that you were so very respectful in communicating your view point but that won’t help your cause by any means. And if you are smart enough to control yourself and keep mum in such occasions of contrarian views, don’t feel too good about yourself as you might still be accused of the fact that ‘you don’t feel like talking to my parents, they are discussing something and you didn’t even care to reply, how INSULTING(again neither they felt so nor you, these are solely her feelings:()!’. Obviously, you are in a no man’s land and even the easiest of tasks of being overtly nice and abiding to 'her' parents seems herculean & head breaking!

Understandably being a ‘Good Husband’ isn’t an easy task, in fact it’s an almost improbable one indeed. But still every husband/boyfriend keeps toiling to earn that coveted title and in the process tries his hand in lot of things but a majority of them goes unnoticed and the remaining ones go horribly wrong as discussed above. On the other hand if ‘her highness’ does even the most routine of chores she makes it a point to make it sound so very important and conveys it to one and all. For instance, if she gets a call from her mom or her mom-in-law or her friend or her hair stylist and the person on the call casually happens to ask ‘How are you?’ then she will take a deep breath and deliver a 7.5 minute uninterrupted speech and answer ‘ I came back from work at around 9PM, straight away got into kitchen, chopped a bowl full of vegetables, garnished them and eventually got the curry ready, thereafter I went ahead and did the chapattis and then finished up with an even more cumbersome task of cleaning up the kitchen’. No matter what the question is, she vents out whatever she had done in the most explicit manner and if by any chance the poor guy has done all this and her mom or her mom-in-law or her friend or her hair stylist specifically happens to ask ‘Are you done with your cooking/dinner?’, she will very casually reply ‘Yep! So what’s up with your Diwali Shopping…..What about your new doggie…’. And the poor guy will keep on looking at her expectantly hoping for some mention of his hard work that has totally gone unnoticed:(. Such is the misery!

So all in all its futile to search for that elusive recipe and rather it’s better to be yourself and enjoy every bit of her tantrums and criticisms. After all everything about our wives/girl friends/partners is not as horrid as we make out, in fact if you look at her straight from your heart she will once again seem to be the most beautiful girl in the world, the very girl with whom you fell in love some years back. But dare not to say this to her, as she will make you say that at least a thousand times:)!

PS: All the views and opinions expressed in this post are not solely mine but are a mix of miseries shared by my close friends & colleagues:)!

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