The Demonetization Storm – Behind the scenes parody.

“This is a work of fiction - any resemblance to actual persons or event living or dead is purely intentional”

This is a small behind the scenes parody about the recently announced biggest demonetization drive of the century, which has shaken the entire nation, especially the political class. The key characters involved in these conversations are-

Mr Moti – Jumla King of India, travel junkie, also works as the Prime Minister in free time.

Mr Tetley – One of the renowned lawyers of the country, claims himself to be the Finance Minister of the country.

Mr Susu Swami – Julian Assange of India, owner of Gandhi Leaks.

Mr Baijnath Singh – Home Minster of India, better known as Ninda Mama for his ability to criticize anybody and everybody for anything untoward.

Mr DhaaGa – Prime Minister in waiting since 1970, India’s entry to World IQ competition.

Mr Farjiwal – Flag bearer of the Harish Chandra clan, born with a motto to oppose Mr Moti till the last breath, also the Cheap Minister of Delhi.

Ms Samta Sadisabji – The mercurial head of state of West Bengal, aspires to be the leader of a secular front, most concerned about the poor of the country.

Mr Sanak Power – Shrewd veteran politician, once a kingmaker, now a homemaker, makes appearance only during the major national events.

Mr Malham Singh – Former Chief Minister of the largest state of the country, struggling for a firm hold on his party against his own son.

Ms Dayawati  - Former Chief Minister of the largest state of the country, better known for her huge statues across the state, proclaims herself to be the messiah of the Dalits.

Nov 8^th 2016, 8 PM, New Delhi - Prime Minister Moti addresses the nation and announces the biggest demonetization drive of the country by banning Rs 500 & Rs 1000 notes from midnight, with a firm vision to eradicate black money.

Excerpts

Mr Moti (to the nation)– We have been working on this project with full secrecy from last 8 months and only a handful were aware and involved in this project.

Mr Tetley (to Mr Susu Swami) – I am the finance minister of the country and I had no clue about such a high profile project until yesterday!

Mr Susu Swami – Finance Minister?? Oh yes! That’s surprising, if you are the FM, you should have been involved in this project.

Mr Susu Swami – Nonetheless, I know all the details, as I was the one who proposed this historic idea to Moti.

Mr Tetley – Don’t brag, I got a whatsapp message from Baijnath Singh that it was some NGO guy, Mr Bokil whose 9 min meeting got extended to a 2 hour seminar and Moti got started thereafter.

Mr Susu Swami – Mr Bokil is my guy and he also has a count of all the Rs. 500 & Rs. 1000 notes that Dhaaga and his family hold. I will expose them in few days.

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Nov 8^th 2016, 8.29 PM, New Delhi – Mr Farjiwal calls up Mr Dhaaga

Mr Farjiwal (to Mr Dhaaga) – Are you watching Moti’s new bomb against black money and corruption?

Mr Dhaaga – No man, I am busy with Chota Bheem Childrens Day weeks special marathon episode on Pogo. What happened, all ok?

Mr Farjiwal – It was surgical strike last month and now it’s an even bigger dhamaka. He is making his Jumlas true one by one, leave aside 2019, now even 2024 looks uncertain for us.

Mr Dhaaga – Can’t be true man, I can’t wait to be the PM for so long, Sanak uncle told me he will make me PM by 2019 for sure.

Mr Farjiwal – Then do something, we need to oppose it right away.

Mr Dhaaga – But how can you oppose it, you are the self-anointed crusader against corruption and black money.

Mr Farjiwal – That’s right, how can he hijack my agenda. We have to oppose it and make it dirty as soon as possible.

Mr Dhaaga – I don’t know man what should I do, let me talk to Sanak uncle for ideas.

Mr Farjiwal – Ok fine, I will arrange for a press conference to misguide people and downplay Moti’s new gimmick.

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Nov 9^th 2016 - Headlines

Mr Sanak Power appreciates Moti’s demonetization move.

Mr Ganna Hazare applauds Moti’s sincerity to fight corruption.

Top industrialists and sportsmen welcome Moti’s anti - black money crusade.

Baba Kamdev appeals to the nation to support Moti in his fight against black money.

Ms Samata Sadisabji calls demonetization a draconian move, a curse for the poor.

Nov 9^th 2016, 10.15 AM, New Delhi – Mr Dhaaga calls up Mr Sanak Power

Mr Dhaaga (To Mr Sanak Power) – Sanak Uncle, did you see what Moti did? Can you please issue a statement against him and guide me on my next move?

Mr Sanak Power – Son, I have just issued a congratulatory message for his decision in the media.

Mr Dhaaga – How can you do that? What about your own treasure, how will you take care of that?

Mr Sanak Power – I was aware of this and I have already taken care of it. And appreciating him was important to keep the focus away from me.

Mr Dhaaga – Very clever. How about me?

Mr Sanak Power (consolatory tone) – You can’t be clever now son, you are too old for it!

Mr Dhaaga (furious) – I meant, how about me, what should I do now, he has once again stolen all the limelight.

Mr Sanak Power – Walk to the nearest bank branch, stand in the queue with the mob, let them click some selfies, criticize the government for poor management and ask your party workers to fake support few elderly in the queue.

Mr Dhaaga – You mean the same trick that we played out by eating at farmers hut and meeting the grieving soldiers family?

Mr Sanak Power – Yes, my son.

Mr Dhaaga – You are a rock star uncle, I will certainly give you a plump portfolio in 2019.

Mr Sanak Power – Amen!

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Nov 9^th 2016, 6.15 PM, New Delhi – Mr Farjiwal holds a press conference in wake of the economic emergency in the country

Reporter – Mr Cheap Minister, Mr Moti’s move is historic, what are your thoughts on it?

Mr Farjiwal – This is a plot against the poor. Mr Moti’s sole aim is to harass the poor people of India.

Reporter – But Sir, this move is revolutionary and will help is curbing the corruption and also fight against the black money menace. Even your guru Mr. Ganna Hazare has backed it.

Mr Farjiwal – Ganna is innocent. Banning 500 & 1000 notes can never curb black money, real black money is stashed outside India in the foreign banks.

Reporter – Sir, in 2014 when Mr Moti requested the European banks to cooperate with him in unearthing the black money, you professed that the real black money is stashed inside the country. You are contradicting yourself now.

Mr Farjiwal – Mr Moti is working for the NATAs, Badani and Dambanis, he doesn’t care about the poor.

Reporter – Sir you haven’t answered by question.

Mr Farjiwal – Ignores.

Reporter – Sir you should join hands with Mr Moti and support him as you have positioned yourself as  the brand ambassador of anti-corruption movement in India.

Mr Farjiwal – I can’t join hands with communal forces whose only agenda is to cause inconvenience to the people by means of riots and unlawful situations.

Reporter – Sir, riots and unlawful situation? But there are absolutely no news of any unrest anywhere in the country and people are fully supportive of this move.

Mr Farjiwal – Yes I would like to thank my party workers for it. We are keeping a close eye on the law and order situation in the country and our workers will ensure that despite Mr Moti’s ulterior motive the situation remains in control.

Press conference ends

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Nov 10^th 2016 - Headlines

Unreserved Bank of India confirms a collection of over Rs 1 Lakh crore corpus in the first 2 days of the demonetization drive.

Government admits lack of preparation in the smooth execution of demonetization drive, pledges to work towards improving public inconvenience.

Mr Moti addresses a rally in Goa, declares demonetization drive a huge success, thanks the nation and warns of more strict measures in the days to come.

Ms Dayawati criticizes Mr Moti for his inhuman move.

Nov 10^th 2016, 8.20 PM, New Delhi, All Party Meet to formulate a strategy against Moti’s Demonetization storm

Mr Dhaaga – We can’t let Moti ruin our political careers by killing us with one blow after the other every few days. If this goes on, we won’t even have 4 of our 44 seats!

Mr Sanak Power – But we can’t blindly oppose anything and everything, certainly not this drive as this will show us all in a bad light.

Ms Samata Sadisabji – This is against the poor, we all have to unite to work together in the common interest of our nation.

Mr Sanak Power – Madam, relax you are not in front of the cameras, hold on to your drama.

Mr Farjiwal – We have to play the law and order card, give it a communal flavor and spread the fire across the nation.

Mr Dhaaga – But there is hardly any unrest, people are happily queuing up and are smiling for selfies.

Mr Malham Singh – Someone tell me, what I should do with all the note bundles that my party men have been working on for last 3 months in preparation for the state elections?

Ms Dayawati – Drain them down, it was anyways my turn to be the CM. You forgot our odd even formula?

Mr Farjiwal – O come on, what OUR formula? It is my formula!

Mr Malham Singh – Son, relax. You focus on preparing for Moti’s next bonanza, this deal is already a lost one.

Mr Sanak Power – I second Malham, we can’t cross the line on this one, it will expose us all.

Mr Dhaaga – But I will be the PM in 2019, right?

All (on chorus) – Certainly :).

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kin…

The Great Indian 'Demon' Revolution.

All through our lives we have read about the great revolutions of the past centuries that have changed the course of nations and world in general. And at the back of our mind we have always envisaged them as something fictitious or a tale best suited to glorify our history books. But with the ongoing demonetization drive spearheaded by Prime Minister Modi,  the 125 crores people strong nation has by default become a part of one of the most momentous revolution to have ever taken place in India.

A big step, if not ‘THE’ step to tame the menace of black money, but surely a bold step in the right direction which none of his predecessors have dared to take. Expectedly, as the trend has been in the last 2.5 years, a strong segment of media and opposition is blindly opposing it zestfully, irrespective of the long term cure that this revolution will bring to our long ailing  corrupt system, they are more keen to play the literal role of an opposition, which per them is to ‘oppose’. Now if you look at it from a neutral perspective, it would have been so easy for Mr Modi to not undertake this herculean and rather wrath-inviting task and still got re-elected in 2019, not by the virtue of his supposedly good work (good as compared to what his predecessors have delivered ) but by the sheer incapability and lack of presence of a strong challenger to his throne. Despite that he still took a plunge, which in itself is an indicator of his intent, vision and passion to do good for the nation.

Now there is a section in our society who has invariably discounted, laughed off and down played whatever new or commendable initiative he has taken ever since he took oath. And that is to a good extent acceptable too because I for myself also discounted or downplayed whatever little good the erstwhile Manmohan Singh government did. But there are certain things which are too good to be true and on the face value seem unbelievably perfect to be happening in Indian context and as a responsible citizen of this country one should support and respect such initiatives irrespective of their inherent loyalties. And the mantra of a true rivalry and sportsmanship states that it is wise to concede and acknowledge the opponent if he has done something extraordinarily good, blind criticism on anything and everything only does harm to oneself.

So for those disregarding the demonetization by stating that this isn’t the 1^st of its kind and this was already done once in last 70s, do they even know that our economy wasn’t even tenth of what it is today, the scale of execution is several times higher and irrespective of 1^st time or 10^th time, isn’t it a good exercise which should have been done say 10-15-20 years back? Is it necessary to bring up the 2^nd time rhetoric rather than simply appreciating this bold move on its face value and moving on?

For those who are focusing on the inconvenience caused to the common masses due to lack of proper planning, isn’t this 50 day inconvenience worth the larger good it will do to our corrupt system? And as a matter of fact the Prime Minister has himself admitted that there will be inconvenience due to the scale of this operation and inherent inefficiencies in our system but we should collectively sail through, keeping an eye on the long term benefits this temporary inconvenience is causing.

Those who are discounting this mega drive by lamenting that this will not curb or eradicate the black money menace, should pay heed to the fact that only in the 1^st four days of this exercise over one lakh crore rupees of black money has already come into the mainstream banking system. Can you imagine what good can be done through such a corpus for the all-round development of our society? Quite certainly, it would only be a fraction of what actually exists, but isn’t it a good starting point? Or shall we not start the treatment, assuming that this treatment wont fully cure us in one go?

People might say that it has been hastily planned and it should have been done in a more phased manner. But in retrospective it all seems very sequential - opening of Jan Dhan accounts, linkage of Aadhar card for subsidies, excise duty on jewelry, continuous pressure to declare your unaccounted wealth etc. This was bound to happen! And interestingly as the PM says there is more to come, much to the glee and relief of the poor and diligent tax payers like me and to the misery of those who have been looting and not paying taxes for last so many decades. And for the proponents of the phased execution of this exercise, if at all this could have been achieved successfully, it had to be done as ruthlessly as they are doing it now. Yes, they could have done better to improve certain operational issues that are causing inconvenience to the masses, but in the longer run they are inconsequential with regards to the objective we are heading to achieve.

These are changing times for our nation and for a change our nation is changing for good :). Like it or not, we are under the leadership of a man who is hell bent to change the system which has been ailing, inefficient and lackadaisical  for decades. He has a clear vision in his mind and he is tactfully working towards implementing it. And for those who have been discounting and ridiculing him as a ‘jumlebaaz’ all these years, truly and surely know his worth in gold by now :). He is here to stay, he will make his stay count and I am proud to have elected him as my Prime Minister.

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kin…

Post Script – Mr Modi is that high performing employee who goes by his manager’s script of doing good throughout the year and making the right noises that will earn him a good appraisal in the coming cycle :).

London Diaries 8 | The Wimbledon Spectacle.

I have always wondered why Tennis happens to be amongst the most followed sports in India. As barring the Tier 1 cities there is hardly any supporting infrastructure for the sport to flourish. Unlike Cricket, this sport has only a handful of national sporting icons to look forward to. So the only potentially strong reason I could think of is ‘Doordarshan’. In the late 80s and early 90s where television was a luxury and present day bouquet of channels a distant reality, Doordarshan was the only source of entertainment. And of the many classics that Doordarshan telecasted, Wimbledon and French Open were the two annual sporting events that the channel broadcasted. This not only enlightened the nation about the nuances of this beautiful sport but also made the likes of Lendls, Mc Enroes, Couriers, Navratilova, Grafs as the household names and Wimbledon as the mecca of tennis. Ever since it has been a dream to experience this spectacle live on those hallowed lawns.

And the opportunity presented itself when I relocated to London 2 years back. But it isn’t easy to get tickets for the annual Championships as you have to either go for the lottery/ballot route which opens the year before in September with lucky draws out in Feb/Mar or you queue up with a hundred thousands more from 2 AM in the morning for the day pass/ticket. While the latter wasn’t a possibility, hard luck prevailed in the former and Wimbledon 2016 also seemed to be an improbable proposition.  But interestingly as the championships started, week 1 was marred by rains, with lot of matches piled up for week 2. I was Cognizant of the fact that middle Sunday is the rest day and only 4 times in over 100 years has there been play on the middle Sunday. So with such massive disruption in play, the possibility of play on this year’s Middle Sunday was ripe. My constant vigil on their official website helped, as they announced late Friday evening that there will be play on this year’s Middle Sunday to accommodate for all the pending matches for the week and the tickets will be sold online next day at 1PM. I was all gung-ho  from 1230 to not miss this golden chance to grab a pair of tickets but there was another delay and the ticket sale started only at 3PM. And by 3.02 PM whole of Centre Court was gone, thankfully I got the Court 1 tickets which also gave me access to watch matches on all other courts, and the feeling was akin to getting 99 percentile in CAT J.

Then, began the quest for the partner to accompany me on ‘THE’ day. Family couldn’t go as kids under 5 are not allowed in the show courts, so much for that coveted decorum. I called up few friends, most busy with their late Saturday afternoon nap missed the call, one answered and got lucky to live the dream of being in attendance at the Championships. There were some hush-hush calls between two of us in preparation for the most anticipated day in a long-long time, we were both apprehensive about the attire we have to wear to gain access – formals or whites was the dilemma. Thankfully, the official website confirmed that there are no such restrictions for the spectators at least and if we have the tickets we are the Kings of the Wimbledon for the day J.

On the morning of the match day, the euphoria was at its pinnacle, the moment we entered the premises we were awestruck, eyes and mouth both wide opened. There was still sometime for the start of play, so we decided to do a tour of the Centre Court, the arena that has been the host to so many epic battles. Our tickets didn’t allow us to enter the centre court but on some typical Indian persuasion the gate guards agreed to let us in to have a view and click some photographs. We made the most of it and spent almost half an hour inside, soaking in the magnanimity of the place.  While we came out of the Centre Court, there was still some time to the start of play so we planned to meander around the practise courts in the anticipation of bumping into few tennis stars. And to our good fortune, we managed to see the likes of Serena, Kuznetsova, Stephens, Del Potro practising in full flow just yards away from us, giving us a clear idea on what goes behind those stellar performances on the court. It was a real treat to watch these stars prepare for their matches.

As the day began, we kept hoping from one court to the other catching up on the key moments of all the in-play matches. The key matches that we watched were Kuznetsova vs Stephens tight 3 setter, Kyrgios vs Lopez, battle of the serves, Vesely upsetting Sousa in 3 straight sets but the highlight of all these single matches was the Isner Vs Tsonga epic 5 setter that was as breath taking as the final score line read 7/6 6/3 6/7 2/6 17/19. It was a real humdinger with neither of the players willing to relent. I so wished to watch either of Federer or Djokovic in action, but the former had a day off and latter had already suffered a shocking exit a day before. But 2 matches that we were eyeing right from the time we saw the order of play were ladies double match featuring Sania and Hingis and men’s doubles duel involving the legendary Leander Paes. Now the early round matches of both men’s and ladies doubles don’t happen on the show courts rather they are being played on the open courts which are placed one besides the rather. This gave us the opportunity to watch both these Indian icons from an arms distance, though Paes and his partner crashed out with a dismal straight 2 set loss to there much younger and agile opponents, Sania and Hingis literally steam rolled there Japanese rivals. Nonetheless, it was a real proud moment watching our Indian heroes live in action.

The day couldn’t have been more busy, remarkable and breath taking. It lived up to its billing and the age long wait. However, two things stood out that day, one was my friend identifying Serena’s mother meandering outside Center Court, possibly coming out of Serena’s match and switching courts to see Venus in action. He rushed up to her, requesting for a selfie and she replied back with the most dramatic response possible, ‘Really’ (she said, surprised by the fact that he is keen to get clicked with her too J ). Yes he said, and we became a part of the most unusual selfie of our livesJ. Second was with Leander, he was visibly upset post his surprise 2^nd round loss and as he came out of the court he was mobbed by the Indian diaspora for photographs and autographs. He kindly obliged all the fans but I missed out on the photo op as I was too far behind. As he moved ahead with his escort, I ran behind him for a potential selfie with the superstar, his escort came to the rescue and sternly warned me to back off. But to the true gentleman that Leander is, he held the escort back and told me ‘come on in, click it fast’. That was enough for me to get bowled over by him for life, not for his game but for his humility this time, true gentleman indeed.

It was a satiating day, couldn’t have asked for a better outing. The tagline of the championship reads ‘IN PURSUIT of GREATNESS’, and while you spend your time there you could actually relate to this tagline. There is something special, something extraordinary about the entire setting, something that makes you fall in love with the place and the event forever. I wish I keep getting more and more chances to witness this spectacle and get enchanted by this phenomena all over again, preferably with a bit of Federer in live action too J.

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kin…

Post Script – Live cricket in Lords, CHECK. Live premier league game at Emirates Stadium, Arsenal, CHECK. Live tennis at Wimbledon, CHECK. What next? Possibly Ind v Pak, Champion Trophy match at Kia Oval next year J.

Gabbu Singh Diaries 6 | That fun, frolic and little bit of embarrassment.

Your life changes when your toddler starts talking, not that the women in your life were anyways giving you a chance to speak a lot. But at least, in this state of speechlessness you can smile, rejoice and cherish it for a long time. So these days Avyaan behaves and talks as if he has just returned from an exile and he has to talk, talk and talk to make up for all the lost speech time of the last two years. So some of these anecdotes are really hilarious, some are embarrassing and some are way too awkward to be shared J.

Now he has this habit of calling anything that is not in place as ‘broken’. So if he is watching his rhymes on the iPad and something goes wrong with it, he would shout for help calling ‘ daddy its broken, fix it’, and similarly for everything that is not per his wish. So while the much awaited summer season arrived (so to say) and it was time to do away with the ankle kissing pajamas and adorn those comfy shorts. The boy was so shocked, that he literally cried looking at his bare legs (from knee to toe) and resorted to his usual broken chant, ‘daddy my pajama is broken, please fix it’. It took me a while to hold on to my laughter, empathize with his ‘broken’ emotions and ensure him that his shorts/pajamas are indeed not broken J.

One fine evening in Milan, while we were exploring the fashion capital on an open top bus, he was sitting beside me, pointing out and calling out names to whatever was passing by. Shortly, we passed by a billboard that had  2-3 bikini clad models advertising about some popular Italian beach destination. The moment he saw that billboard he shouted in utter excitement, ‘Daddy, it’s aunt in diapers, aunt in diapers’. Needless to say, hearing his innocent remark the entire upper deck was in splits and Gabbu Singh’s dad was found coping-up with a bout of embarrassment J.

Few weeks later while we were in the holy city of Vatican marveling over the iconic St. Peters Basilica, Avyaan was busy running around the large hallway of the basilica. We kept insisting him to fold his hands and seek blessings from the almighty but he was way too busy to enjoy his day out in that beautiful monument. When I kept on pestering him for the same, he finally paid heed by shouting ‘Jai Shree Ram’ at the centrum of the world’s largest religion, much to the joy of the omnipresent and giggling Indian touristy community there J.

So having emphasized the importance of grooming right from his early days, Avyaan acknowledges its credence and on most occasions adheres to what is expected out of him in those regards, timely cutting ‘yucky’ nails being one of them. So while visiting the London’s momentous ‘Natural History Museum’ couple of weeks back, Gabbu happened to spend his quality time in the most popular Dinosaur section of the museum. He was so enchanted by and observant of the gigantic replicas of those dinosaurs there that while leaving the section he innocently came to me and requested me to cut one of the dinosaur’s yucky nails. I somehow managed the situation by telling him that I have forgotten those big nail cutters at home. But it won’t be long when I would again be put on spot to cut some other dinosaur’s or may be a real dogie's yucky nails impromptu J

And as he speaks and speaks, that fun, frolic and little bit of embarrassment just keeps getting better and better.

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kin…

It's a relative world, will always be.

Sometime back I was reading an article on Accenture’s new appraisal system where they have done away with the age old bell curve mechanism of normalizing the appraisal process and grading their employees. Ever since, I couldn’t somehow fathom how and on what basis they would be rating an employee without bench-marking him against somebody else. My simple query was how would the company sustain its profitability and margins if they went on to actually rate all its employees on his merits, what if everyone actually does well some fine year. A very unrealistic scenario may be, but beyond a point can you actually function without being relative?

Relativity per say is a bitter/sweet reality that determines the course of every aspect of our lives today. It would be unfair to categorize it as good or bad in truest sense but it can act in our favour in some scenarios and against as well otherwise.

So if you are a Virat Kohli you won’t be just judged by the no. of runs, centuries and wins you clock for your team but fortunately or unfortunately you would be rated, pitched and compared against what some Sachin Tendulkar did by that time in his career. That’s relativity for you.

If you are some Narendra Modi you won’t be just judged by the goods that you would have done for the country but rather interestingly, you would also be evaluated by how badly you have fared vis-à-vis your predecessors on those unthought-of parameters which you would have considered inconsequential on the priority pedestal. That’s again relativity.

If you are a Ranbir Kapoor your star power is measured by the no. of multi crore blockbusters you have given vis-à-vis the mighty Khans of the industry. And if you are some Rajkumar Rao your acting prowess is measured by the no. of national awards or critics awards you have won in comparison to the Irfan Khans and Naseeruddin Shahs of the worlds. Voila, relativity!

Accenture or Lovely University, if you are an employee you would be rated and evaluated for what your peers have done better over you, rather than what good you would have done in general or even over them. That again interestingly is the resultant of the relativity in today’s realm of things.

And despite all your mental prowess and acumen if you could still manage to be a boyfriend or a husband your true worth is determined by how well you fare against the other boyfriends and husbands in your community. Needless to say you could never fare better, thanks to the unique form of relativity that operates in such scenarios J.

So Mahatma Gandhi is still considered to be an all-time  great national leader because the likes of Sonias and Rahuls do exist. Tendulkar is considered to be among the best batsman of his era because he was a shade brighter in his skill in comparison to the  likes of Ponting, Lara and Kallis. Aamir Khan happens to be one of the most successful actors of our times because the likes of Fardeen Khan, Tushar Kapoor and Aftab Shivdasani also exist. And so on. In a nutshell, it has always been a relative world, people are good, not so good or bad only because of the relatively that comes into play every single time irrespective of the trade you are a part of. No wonder relativity has and will always determine on how we fare in our lives and you don't need some Einstein to prove you that.

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kin…

Where Cricket is a religion and every fan a Demigod.

In India, there is a common saying that Cricket is a religion and Sachin is the God. I reckon every cricket fan here is a self-proclaimed demi-god. In the sense, that irrespective of his education, background or no. of years he has actually played or followed the game, he is the only one who knows it all. And he knows it in a way like no one else does. No wonder, every nook and corner in our country is always buzzing with an intense cricketing debate, where every participant holds a strong view and interestingly the right view as well J. And per my observation you can classify these demi-god cricket fanatic in 6 broad categories.

The Factual Bombardier – He is the one who is always ready with numbers and statistics and will try to win every argument by the sheer weight of these nos. He will bombard you with a bevy of nos. the moment you tell him that whenever Sachin scored a 100, India lost or Sachin never scored when the team needed it the most. So if you wish to indulge into a debate with one such gentleman, be ready for a heavy statistics dossier.

The Old times Advocate – Now whatever our current stars do, this breed of fan would downplay that by singing praises in favour of the yesteryear greats. So if you go gaga over Virat Kohli or Sachin Tendulkar, be ready to hear that ‘these new age stars are no match to the old war horses like Gavaskar and Richards’. And if you try to defend your stars by their nos., they will quickly resort to, ‘ the bowlers of this era are hardly a match to the legends of 70s & 80s, so these nos against poor bowling attacks count for nothing’.

The long lost fanatic – He is someone who was once upon a time a cricket fan but has now lost the appetite to follow the game and hence isn’t as updated today. But interestingly, he fails to accept the fact that he isn’t abreast with the current know-how of the game and goes on debating with full gusto. So if you talk about Virat Kohli’s glorious run of form, he will quickly jump and say ‘but he failed in all the matches in 2015 WC in OZ’. And if you politely update him with Kohli’s unbelievable streak of runs, he would either digress or downplay the fact saying ‘but still he has to become far more consistent to be a good player’.

The ever so pessimist cribber – Whatever be the state of the match, be it the start of the match, or a sure shot winning situation, this guy will make sure that you always have that semblance of doubt about our chances in the match. So even if we need 2 runs of the last over with 5 wickets in hand, he will quickly quip ‘ don’t trust them to win as yet, they  can still get all out’. Or even if we are playing against a low rung team, he will be the one to remind you of a potential upset.

The bubbly dynamite – How often have you come across a wannabe female Cricket lover who tries very hard to portray herself as the most die-hard fan (in a group of Cricket fanatic male friends) but sooner than later goofs up by asking something very trivial. Something like, ‘hey why is Dhoni not playing Zaheer today, I like him so much’ or if Rahane takes a catch they will credit that wicket to his name.

The I told you so irritant – And the most irritating of them all, the ones who come up with their ‘I told you so’ after something unexpected has already happened. So if Bumrah got hit for 4 sixes in the last over, this gentlemen would quickly say ‘ I told you so, he will leak runs in this over’. Or if a part timer comes and gets a wicket 1^st ball, he will immediately pop up saying, ‘ see, I told you he will strike’ and so on.

And the most interesting and hilarious cricketing discussions happen when these varied cricketing demi-gods unite for a post-match dissection. So in a country where Cricket is a religion and every fan is a demigod, an expert with a very strong and ‘right’ point of view, you can never take the risk of underestimating or downplaying the Cricketing prowess of any Cricket fan.

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kin…

Post Script – And then, there is also a breed of Cricket fanatics who are not so concerned about their team but are only bothered about the players they have selected in their team – The Fantasy League Maniacs J.

Where the Anti-Hero outcasts the Real Hero.

The month gone by was a very contrasting and saddening one for the very idea of India. Two young Indians hogged the limelight this month but for very different reasons. On one hand a brave son of our country, Hanumanthapa, eventually lost his life to a monstrous avalanche by being buried under a 35 ft. snow cover, serving his motherland in inhuman conditions. And on the other, a youngster by the name Kanhaiya Kumar exercised his freedom of speech and idea of nationalism in a way that took the entire country by a storm. Unfortunately, where we should have ideally spent the month in celebrating and coronating the former for his sacrifice, thanks to our vibrant and sensationalism seeking media we opted to divulge all our attention and energy towards the latter’s heroics.

Now a large section of media has been advocating Kanhaiya’s controversial speech through the tenets of ‘Freedom of Speech’. But can freedom of speech shield or cover for any level of obscenity? Can you abuse your mother under the gambit of freedom of speech? Can you go to Times Square, New York, hail Osama Bin Laden and still leave scot free stating you were exercising your freedom of speech? There has to be some sanity, some logic and some sense of responsibility that has to be exercised even while exorbitantly leveraging ones freedom of speech.

But since there are theories doing the rounds that the entire Kanhaiya fiasco has been made up, the video was doctored and the poor guy was made a scapegoat. Let us for a moment not discuss what all he supposedly said (or not said). And only focus on the celebrity status that has been bestowed upon him by the media and some political parties. They believe he is the voice of present day India, he is the one who is asking the real questions and he is the one who is also the future of the nation, which otherwise is in darkness, under the current government. But are things really as alarming?

He feels that under Mr Modi the nation has gone to an age which is akin to Hilter’s era. Really? But you still delivered that shameful speech and went on to become the most celebrated hero of the year. He feels that onslaught of poverty, high inflation and all the miseries that the common man of this nation have to bear is due to Mr Modi. Really? Not many were probably aware then, that prior to 2014 (since Modi took charge) this nation was a wonderland. He also feels that the current regime has forcefully saffron-ized the culture of this nation. Really? Your supporters have been professing this theory even when Modi & Co were in opposition but a thumping majority still brought them to the helm. And much to the merriment of the opposition parties and media houses he has a long list of such accusations and Prime Minister mocking theatrics, which is ironically not obscene and objectionable as it is well within the purview of freedom of speech.

Now anywhere in the world, irrespective of whether you are making sense or not, if you are a good orator, you are bound to get plenty of attention. And if you can mock, criticize and dissect someone and make people laugh out of it, you certainly attract a few more eyeballs. Modi did the same leading up to 2014, people related to it and he single-handedly became the nation’s no.1 neta. But ask him how today how difficult it is to manage that faith and the burden of humongous expectations. He might be doing a good job but today he has as many detractors and dissenters who are finding everything that he did in 2014 as sheer gimmick. So it might be easy for Kanhaiya ji to remind people of how things are not so rosy under Modi but were they picture perfect for the last 60 years, under the erstwhile leadership? Or how are things in West Bengal where his ideological political outfit (CPI) ruled for over 35 years?

Its easiest to just sit back, criticize and find problems in anything and everything one does? But not so easy to suggest few solutions to these problems. I am quite sure, the celebrated hero that Kanhaiya today is, won’t have any solutions himself to the long list of problems that he has been blaming and accusing the government for. True traits of successful politician may be, but then he has categorically denied that of any political ambitions and has even emphasized that he is just a student. If so, why don’t you focus on your studies rather than creating such a ruckus. In fact, try studying for 18 hours every day without taking a leave for the next 2 years, it might not only augur well for you and your family but will also do lot of good to our beloved nation.

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Post Script – The most unfortunate role in this entire episode has been of electronic Media. In the common good of nation, where they shouldn’t have given any credence and coverage to this entire stupidity and rather focused on the real heroes like Hanumanthapa, the lure of sensationalism and TRPs have led them to make a hero out of nothing and stoop to sad levels.

Gabbu Singh Diaries 5 | The Newbie Speaker goes on rampage.

What do you do when you miss your family, your partner or your girlfriend? In all probability, you would right away call them up or text them on Whatsapp. But what do you do when you are at work and you miss your 2 year old sweetheart son who at that point in time is in his nursery? You can neither call him nor text him (albeit for few more years, till this new gen kid as well demands for a smartphone J), all you could do is just helplessly wait for the day to end.

It’s certainly not a very good feeling and at times you really wish that you could search for your son’s contact on the Whatsapp contact list and drop him a ‘miss you’ text. And this feeling is highly exaggerated when your kid has recently started talking and you excitedly wait whole day to hear me blabber in his heavy British accent. So cow now is ‘couw’,  bear is ‘beaa’, car is ‘caa’, no is ‘nou’ , Jai Shree Ram is ‘Jey Shee Ram’, and potty is ‘yucky potty’. And this extremely funny and cute blabbering is on endlessly.

It’s quite contrasting though, that not too long ago I used to find these continuously chattering kids in a bus, train or a movie theatre very annoying. Though today when Gabbu does the same publicly, it’s hardly annoying, in fact it seems cute and funny, much to the annoyance of other bystanders, I am sure. Love is blind they say J.

But children do learn very fast and at this age what they pick the quickest is to greet everyone with ‘Hi’s’ and ‘Byes’. But it gets really embarrassing when Gabbu vociferously greets strangers with his newly learned ‘Hi ya’s’ and ‘Byes’ in the lift, bus or tubes. And the situation gets such that even the usually snobbish locals have to reciprocate to his greetings with a reluctant Hi or Bye J. A good cue to break ice with those gorgeous English ladies, may be J. But this Hi Bye syndrome has another funnier side too. Whenever he continuously persists for something that I don’t want him to buy or have, I tend to tell him that it is finished. For e.g. if he endlessly persists for Kinder Joy or say Garlic Bread, I say ‘No Avyaan it’s finished’. So in turn what he does now is every time we go past Dominos, he keeps on saying ‘Bye Garlic Bread’, ‘Bye Dominos’, assuming its already finished and same with Kinder Joy on passing through Tesco, ‘Bye Tesco’, ‘Bye Kinder Joy’ J.

And it keeps on getting funnier. Not too long ago Gabbu’s mom apparently spent a lot of time in the kitchen cooking something really sumptuous. She excitedly gave the first serving to him and expectantly asked him ‘how is it Gabbu?’ I doubt anybody could have given a much blatant response to such a question. He replied, saying ‘its yucky’, that’s not all he kept on singing it for 5 minutes, ‘it’s yucky’, ‘it’s yucky’, ‘it’s yucky’, ‘it’s yucky’ J. And by doing so the newbie speaker managed to do something that even his dad couldn’t dare to do in so many years.

And there is something funny or the other that keeps happening every day. In fact, these are the moments you look forward to after a stressful day at work or post an unwarranted tiff with someone very dear. These experiences are blissful, rejuvenating and reminiscent of the fact that how simple, easy and happy life can be. But for me the best moment of the day is when I go to pick him up from his nursery in the evening, that smile, that exhilaration on his face when he sees me coming, greets me with his accented ‘Hi ya’ and runs towards me to give a cuddle is truly priceless. It evades all the stress and emphasizes on the fact that whatever good or bad the world may think of me, at least he is the one who really waits for my arrival with such exuberance and anticipation every single day J. Unconditional love!

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Virat Kohli - The Uncharacteristic Hero!

 If you are an ardent cricket fan, having grown up watching, admiring and idolizing the likes of Tendulkar, Dravid, Laxman & Kumble, all of whom have been the epitome of determination, perseverance, humility and on-field excellence, the farthest you can accept or adjust to certain degree of aggressiveness or high headed-ness is with regards to Mr Ganguly. Anything even marginally over that is considered to be ruffian, unparliamentarily, disgraceful and un-acceptable. At least that’s how our cricketing upbringing has been. No wonder until recently, I haven’t been a Virat Kohli fan, as he has never belonged to the same school.

Ever since he became the regular feature of the national team he has exhibited all that it takes to ruffle a traditional Tendulkar/Dravid/Laxman fan. He has been consistently scoring runs (but that lot of people do) but his mannerisms and conduct have been the real bone of contention for lot of fans. His over the top celebrations after scoring a ton that were typified by a mouthful for someone or the other were truly never shown before by any of the past legends. His knack of getting into arguments and undue tussles with the opposition and even with his own teammates at times, is also very un-Indian. A true blue Indian fan has also never seen the likes of Tendulkar and Dravid focussing on getting inked or a flashing a funky hair style. Nor have we ever seen any of our past greats openly flaunting their girlfriends anywhere and everywhere they go. Perhaps, too much for an Indian fan to associate all these frills with a Legend or Legend to-be J.

But the kind of reception this guy received from the crowds at Melbourne and Sydney every time he stepped into bat or went back after his innings, made me feel nostalgic and a bit jealous too. Nostalgic, as it reminded me of the great Sachin Tendulkar and the kind of effect the legend had on the crowds, irrespective of their nationalities. And jealous as I was always under the impression that such love, adulation and respect is only meant for the great man. So naturally, if someone is so admired and look forward to, he truly is a special lad.

His consistency and statistics do speak volumes about the batting powerhouse that he is. The confidence and swagger with which he bats reminds me of Viv, his consistency and hunger for runs is reminiscent of Sachin and his grit and determination to win matches for his side is akin to what Steve Waugh used to carry in his days. He is easily amongst the very best today alongside AB, Smith, Root & Williamson and if we leave AB aside, as he is hardly human in what he does and Kohli is arguably the most prized wicket for any bowling attack today.

And the way he is going he is sure to break a lot of batting records, he might even surpass Sachin (in all likelihood in ODIs at least). And that probably is winning him more fans (including me) everyday despite his not so pleasant off field exploits. He is so damn good in what he does that he compensates for all that the purists might find unacceptable. In other words, by the sheer weight of his consistent performances, domination and match winning repertoire, he buys for himself the right to celebrate his 100s in the most extravagant way, get under the skin of the opposition even if it is uncalled for and probably get inked and sport a trendy beard too with a lot of panache J. He is a real proponent of the philosophy that as long as you are exceptionally good in whatever you are expected to do, everything else automatically becomes acceptable.

I by no means want to do a comparison between him and our all-time greats, it would be really unfair. But the manner in which the fans have accepted Kohli as their new hero, emphasizes on the fact that the game always need such Heroes to keep itself alive and buzzing. Though no player is bigger than the game but for the game itself to flourish it does need heroes, and none today is more flamboyant, more consistent and a better match winner than Kohli himself. The only hope here is that he continues to be a hero that India has been looking for and not get swayed away by the outside frills and temptations.

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Afterthought – It wasn’t so before, but now I do look forward to see Kohli perform every time he comes out to bat as he certainly looks to be the guy who tries his best to make India win. Though, I have never liked him whenever he dons the RCB jersey, not quite sure of the reason, but I really hope that this disliking as well changes pretty soon J.

2015 – An Intolerant year that was(‘nt) !

In India, the undisputed catch phrase for the year 2015 was ‘Intolerance’. An atmosphere of unrelenting intolerance was reported across most parts of the country, supposedly due to the highly objectionable policies of the ruling government. Book bans, movie bans, Maggie bans, Beef bans and bans of various other flavours, the nation was bound to get intolerant. It was indeed an eureka moment for the intelligentsia of the country who were bewildered with this never before intolerance in their routine lives. Though, the facts might suggest that all these so called attics that contributed to the 2015 intolerance have been happening for ever but then who cares and dares these facts, when there is an unrelenting, intolerable and an alarming wave of intolerance in the most tolerant country in the world J.

After all, nobody wants to get robbed of their basic rights. Be it the intelligentsia, be it the opposition or be it the common man. One and all were affected by this extreme wave and here’s a snapshot of their 2015 misery –

·          His highness Rahul Gandhi aka Pappu was so disturbed with the onslaught that he had to stay out of the country for over two months, though it’s a different matter that people like Kapil Sharma and Krushna Abhishek made merry in his absence and duly supplemented the nation with its required dose of comic relief J. But serious heights of intolerance for prince charming’s liking.

·          The cleanest and the most incorruptible man on planet earth, Sri Sri 108 Arvind ji Kejriwalji  was so damn depressed with growing intolerance in the nation that he had to travel all the way down to Patna to find solace in fodder fame Laluji’s arms. I seriously doubt any amount of compensation on Modiji’s part can repair the mental stigma that Sri Sri 108 Arvind ji Kejriwalji had to undergo due to this intolerant atmosphere in the country J.

·          Not just the political circle but even the Indian film industry was overwhelmingly disturbed with the growing intolerance in the country. No doubt, as a token of protest they churned out movies like Shandaar, Bombay Velvet and Dilwale to teach the ruling party an apt lesson for their misdeeds J.

·          The highflying authors, artists and technocrats also returned their awards to show their vehemence against the sad state of affairs in the country caused by the several bans and the supposed communal disharmony. Such was their plight that they hardly had anything left to return when the state elections were over or when Nirbhaya’s rapist was released. Epic IntoleranceJ !

·          Even the sporting fraternity was equally disturbed with the intolerance wave and even they geared up to show their dissent. The Indian Hockey team did there bit by crashing out of the world cup way too soon and the Cricket team did so by losing it out fairly easily against the Bangladeshi tigers. One and all were affected, such was the 2015 intolerance J.

·          Not just the celebrities, even my friends were affected. A friend of mine who dared to protest against the intolerant food served by his wife on a daily basis, was duly handed over the task of preparing all the 3 meals of the day by her from that day on. Another colleague of mine who dared his boss to send him to onsite immediately or be ready to face the consequences, was pretty soon serving his notice period and struggling to find a new job in the market J.

·          I wasn’t spared either, my son was so intolerant with the kind of lullaby’s I was subjecting him too that he resorted to Sunny Leone’s Baby Doll and Chaar Bottle Vodka to find solace against the great intolerance of 2015 J.

And there are hundreds of similar horror stories. I really hope that year 2016 isn’t a repeat of the intolerant year that 2015 was(‘nt). And people from all walks of society have their awards, peace and intellect duly placed in their safe custody J.

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Post Script – Such has been the dichotomy of the 2015 intolerance wave that on one hand it led the biggest leader of the country (read Modi) and also a staunch opponent of this so called idea of intolerance wave, bite the dust in the most critical elections of the year and on the other hand the same wave led the biggest movie star of the country (read SRK), also a vociferous proponent of this intolerance wave, lose a lot of moolah for his much anticipated movie J.